This post is brought to us from KSS Lay Leader Cheryl Lubow who has been studying with The Mussar Institute as part of our Lay Leader Development Grant through Jewish Columbus.
In the fall and winter, I enjoy buying bags of mixed nuts in the shell, and cracking open a few as an after-supper snack. About a week ago, I selected a few nuts and grabbed my nutcracker. The first hazelnut I opened had no nut inside. So I opened a second hazelnut, and that one, too, had no nut!
Right around the same time, I accidently nicked my finger with a kitchen shears. The next day, I accidentally cut another finger with a kitchen knife. I knew it was just carelessness, but I could have also been thinking that the universe was out to get me that week. Instead, I figured that if those were the worst things that happened to me that week, I was a very lucky woman.
Reflecting on these experiences reminded me of one more story. A few years ago, I had a highway encounter with a driver with serious road rage. Each time I politely put on my turn signal and started to change lanes so that driver could get past me, he swerved into the free lane to speed around me. This happened several times. At one point, we both started moving into the same space in the same lane at the same time. He finally found a way to speed ahead to terrorize someone else. After he was gone, I was amazed to discover that my heart wasn’t pounding, my hands weren’t shaking, and my mind wasn’t reeling. I felt perfectly calm, and I realized that in that situation, I was calm because I had to be.
The Mussar masters call a sense of serenity Menuchat haNefesh, often translated as equanimity which the dictionary defines as mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation. It is something we can all practice in our daily lives when we hit a bump in the road. My personal trainer is always telling me to use my core for strength and balance. Right now, while the winter Olympics are in progress, we see lots of examples of athletes with years of practice using strength and balance physically, mentally, and emotionally. For the rest of us, it’s a process.
Picture a difficult situation in which you either did or didn’t achieve a calm mind. If you did, congratulate yourself! If you didn’t, run the scenario again in your mind, picturing yourself reacting in a more serene fashion. How would the situation end differently? Even if the outcome would have been the same, think about how you might have felt different inside. Just like an athlete competing in the moguls, negotiating bump after snowy bump with strength and balance, we can practice not being knocked off-center by the bumps of life.